Just wanted to drop a little line to let all (3) of you that stop by and read this little ole blog know that I’m still alive. I’ve been caught up with life and mommy hood and this blog as been put on the back burner. Ive been blogging for almost 5 years and breaks are definitely needed. I promise to be back soon, I’ve got some new ideas for BGP and a butt load of pictures to share with you guys. Speaking of pictures, I have become obsessed with instagram. You can find me by searching @bubblegumponys . It’s fun times over in instagram land.  I’m also in need of a blog makeover, just a little refresher. We all need some change every now and then.

Miss you lots and ttusoon

Xoxo

J.

Day 19- Sweet…kisses

Day 20- Someone I love

Day 21-Reflection

Day 22- My shoes…or socks in my case, socks.

Day 23-Something old

Day 24- Guilty Pleasure…Taking naps with my baby when there is cleaning to be done.

Day 25-Something I made…Spinach and Ricotta bread made from scratch.

#febphotoaday has started…are you doing it?? Let me know and I’ll follow you on Instagram =)

xoxo
jewels

If you’ve been a reader of mine and have followed this blog from the start,  then you know my life  has changed. Becoming a mother was never on my bucket list. I never really had an idea of what or where I was going to be when I grew up. When I got pregnant the first time I was 26. I wasn’t ready for those 2 lines to show up on that stick but there they were. Punched me right in the face. I didn’t want to be pregnant. I was scared out of my mind. I was pissed.   I got over it. I got excited, I was going to be a mom. I was going to feel a love that only moms know and I was going to bring a life into this world.

Then I had a miscarriage. It was painful and heartbreaking and to this day I am affected by it. I don’t talk much about it because it’s a sad thing and who the hell wants to be a Debbie downer at get togethers talking about miscarriages. Not I.

I blamed myself. I never mourned that loss like I should have. I felt like a loser.

When I got pregnant with Jackson I was 27. I wanted to see the lines. I wanted my boobs to hurt. I wanted to feel sick and not get my p.  and I got all of that and more. I got fear. fear of losing another baby. I had a pretty good pregancy considering all of the things that could go wrong but I was too scared to enjoy it. Every doctor visit was a day of anxiety. Would we hear a heartbeat? Was it strong enough? Was he growing right?

Up until the day I gave birth my mind would race with worry. If I didn’t feel him kick for a couple of hours I would cry. Then he would tap dance in my belly and all was well again. Like he was saying, I’m ok mom…don’t cry.  I thought my fears would go away as soon as he was born and I got to hold him and know that he was ok.

Wrong.  Because now I was a mom. Now I felt the love so indescribable it made my heart hurt.  All my fears just multiplied by a million.  My days and nights were filled with making sure my baby was breathing. Going over my infant CPR notes, becoming obsessed with s.i.d.s , bpa, germs, talc…. the list went on.

Jackon just turned 17 months old.  Some of those fears have gone away but they have just been replaced with new ones.  I pray for my son everyday. I pray for his health and his happiness.

Sometimes all you want is happiness. Happy people don’t become serial killers.

Yup, that’s on my list of fears too.

Life is about change whether we’re ready for it or not. It’s scary not knowing what’s next but what choice do we have? We have to go through it and fight our fears to be the person we were ment to be.

I’ve got a lot of fighting to do.

Xo

Jewels

Day 12- Close Up

Day 13- In my bag

Day 14- Something I’m reading, Bossy Pants by Tina Fey

Day 15- Happiness…is knowing that I am loved.

Day 16- Morning… is breakfast time.

Day 17- Water

Day 18- Something I bought…Mickey and Minnie frame, a yardsale find for a $1.00

The lovely Chantelle of FATMUMSLIM created a photo a day challenge that has taken over Instagram, blogs and twitter. At first I wasn’t going to do it because I didn’t want to start something I felt like I wouldn’t stick with, by the 4th day of seeing everyones pics on Instagram I jumped on board. Like, dude…all you have to do is take ONE picture a day. Get over it.

Chantelle already has the list for up for Febuary and I’m having fun doing this months Im pretty sure I’ll be down for the next challenge.

Oh yeah…I’m on Instagram now: @Bubblegumponys

Day5: Something I wore…Pins by moi, earrings by Cubannie Links, coat by T5S, scarf is from H&M

Day6: Something that makes me smile…my little family

Day7: Favorite…These are my favorite earrings, I got them for my 16th birthday

Day8: My sky…Clear and dark

Day9: My Daily Routine…all day err day. #momlife

Day10: Childhood…Lil’ Jewels, bowl haircut by mom.

Day11: Where we sleep…

That was my first week of the challange, I’ll be back to post the rest =)
How about you? Are you on instagram and doing the challange??

xoxo
j”snap snap”ewels

(these pics were taken at 12:01am, yes, I woke my boo up and yes he was pissed)

We are 2 weeks into the new year and it still hasn’t hit me that a new year is starting all over again. So far it’s been ok, I’m still getting over this annoying cold/cough that seems to have moved in and doesn’t want to leave. ugh. Annnnnyway, let’s talk about life. It’s a rule, once that ball drops you have to look back on the year that just passed and wonder what the hell happened. What did you do with yourself? Did you stick to any of the resolutions you made the year before? Did you find the love of your life? Move into your dream home? Make more money? Find a job you love? Lose those 10 lbs that we know will always be there even if we did lose them? Blah Blah Blah. Some of the answers might be yes some no and some might not even matter.  I’m all for goals and the journey it takes to get there. I’m just not a fan of the feeling you get if you don’t cross it all off your list by the time Dick Clark starts counting down…10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1. I guess it’s the feeling of failure. Like, you didn’t do enough or didn’t work hard enough to reach your goals.  That feeling sucks.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty proud of making it through my first year of being a mom with only having a handful of breakdowns (ok, maybe 2 handfuls) getting my own office space for my Ebay store, losing my baby weight, and  getting back into blogging…amongst other things.

I would say that I don’t have any resolutions this year because I don’t want that fear and pressure but I would be lying.  I want to complain less.  I want to have more happy days than sad.  I want a better living envoriment.  I want to stop worrying about the Jones’ and what they are blogging about.  I want to read more.  I want to work out.  I want to have an awesome 30th birthday.  I want to craft more.  I want to learn a new language.  I want my business to grow and give people jobs.  I want to help my fellow man out more.

I want to be a better person.

I want to be a better mom.

I want to turn my wants into wills.

I don’t want to feel like a failure on 12.31.12 11:59pm so I am making these my life goals, they will get done, some sooner then later, but I will make it happen.  There are more but these will do for now, I will post them later on so I can get them out there in the universe. Ahh that universe, it works in mysterious ways.

What are your goals???

xoxo

jewels

Hope everyone had a wonderful Hanukkah, Christmas and Kwanzaa. I know this post is a little late but I’ve been sick and needed some rest. I’m still trying to get rid of this cold, taking shots of NyQuil and drinking lots of tea. Hopefully it’ll be gone by New Years. We had a pretty good Christmas, Jackson got a butt load of Yo gabba gabba stuff, puzzles, books, rock star Elmo, a drum and keyboard, a remote control car (which was more for dad…)clothes, a tent and a sled, which he loves. He pulls the sled out and sits in it in the living room and makes you pull him around. I hope we get a little snow soon so we can play with it outside.

We were supossed to take pictures with santa but Jackson had a runny nose and a little cold so I had to cancel the appointment, twice. By the time he was feeling better it was too late to get pictures by Christmas so I busted out my best photographer skills and went to work. Here’s some of what I got:

Now it’s on to New Year’s, I can’t believe 2012 is 3 days away. Looking back at last New Year’s eve Jackson was just learning to sit up…now he runs to me, hugs my leg and calls me mama. Even though I have my bad days I couldn’t feel more blessed. I truly am thankful.

=)

What Jackson Wore—>
Shirt-Paul Smith
Pants-H&M
Bow Tie-Made by Me
Suspenders-Thrift store find
Boots-Toms

xoxo

jewels

I used Pugly Pixel’s photo template to make this and the quote is by Lao Tsu. If you don’t know about Pugly Pixel check it out, it has a lot of goodies for blogs =)

xoxo

j.

Oh Fall, how you will be missed. I knew the days would come…the days of 30 degree weather, naked trees, runny noses, puffy coats, staying in, and all the other fun stuff that comes with winter. Boo.
But before the snow comes we will try to get out as much as we can. This day the BF took us out for breakfast and Jackson was being good eating his food and drinking his milk from a straw. I always worry when we go out because you never know what kid will show up at the table, the nice little boy who eats his pancakes or the devil child who throws his pancakes at people. We had the good boy that day. Thank goodness…

(more…)

Guess who’s happy to see you?

xoxo
j.