If you’ve been a reader of mine and have followed this blog from the start,  then you know my life  has changed. Becoming a mother was never on my bucket list. I never really had an idea of what or where I was going to be when I grew up. When I got pregnant the first time I was 26. I wasn’t ready for those 2 lines to show up on that stick but there they were. Punched me right in the face. I didn’t want to be pregnant. I was scared out of my mind. I was pissed.   I got over it. I got excited, I was going to be a mom. I was going to feel a love that only moms know and I was going to bring a life into this world.

Then I had a miscarriage. It was painful and heartbreaking and to this day I am affected by it. I don’t talk much about it because it’s a sad thing and who the hell wants to be a Debbie downer at get togethers talking about miscarriages. Not I.

I blamed myself. I never mourned that loss like I should have. I felt like a loser.

When I got pregnant with Jackson I was 27. I wanted to see the lines. I wanted my boobs to hurt. I wanted to feel sick and not get my p.  and I got all of that and more. I got fear. fear of losing another baby. I had a pretty good pregancy considering all of the things that could go wrong but I was too scared to enjoy it. Every doctor visit was a day of anxiety. Would we hear a heartbeat? Was it strong enough? Was he growing right?

Up until the day I gave birth my mind would race with worry. If I didn’t feel him kick for a couple of hours I would cry. Then he would tap dance in my belly and all was well again. Like he was saying, I’m ok mom…don’t cry.  I thought my fears would go away as soon as he was born and I got to hold him and know that he was ok.

Wrong.  Because now I was a mom. Now I felt the love so indescribable it made my heart hurt.  All my fears just multiplied by a million.  My days and nights were filled with making sure my baby was breathing. Going over my infant CPR notes, becoming obsessed with s.i.d.s , bpa, germs, talc…. the list went on.

Jackon just turned 17 months old.  Some of those fears have gone away but they have just been replaced with new ones.  I pray for my son everyday. I pray for his health and his happiness.

Sometimes all you want is happiness. Happy people don’t become serial killers.

Yup, that’s on my list of fears too.

Life is about change whether we’re ready for it or not. It’s scary not knowing what’s next but what choice do we have? We have to go through it and fight our fears to be the person we were ment to be.

I’ve got a lot of fighting to do.

Xo

Jewels

The lovely Chantelle of FATMUMSLIM created a photo a day challenge that has taken over Instagram, blogs and twitter. At first I wasn’t going to do it because I didn’t want to start something I felt like I wouldn’t stick with, by the 4th day of seeing everyones pics on Instagram I jumped on board. Like, dude…all you have to do is take ONE picture a day. Get over it.

Chantelle already has the list for up for Febuary and I’m having fun doing this months Im pretty sure I’ll be down for the next challenge.

Oh yeah…I’m on Instagram now: @Bubblegumponys

Day5: Something I wore…Pins by moi, earrings by Cubannie Links, coat by T5S, scarf is from H&M

Day6: Something that makes me smile…my little family

Day7: Favorite…These are my favorite earrings, I got them for my 16th birthday

Day8: My sky…Clear and dark

Day9: My Daily Routine…all day err day. #momlife

Day10: Childhood…Lil’ Jewels, bowl haircut by mom.

Day11: Where we sleep…

That was my first week of the challange, I’ll be back to post the rest =)
How about you? Are you on instagram and doing the challange??

xoxo
j”snap snap”ewels

(these pics were taken at 12:01am, yes, I woke my boo up and yes he was pissed)

We are 2 weeks into the new year and it still hasn’t hit me that a new year is starting all over again. So far it’s been ok, I’m still getting over this annoying cold/cough that seems to have moved in and doesn’t want to leave. ugh. Annnnnyway, let’s talk about life. It’s a rule, once that ball drops you have to look back on the year that just passed and wonder what the hell happened. What did you do with yourself? Did you stick to any of the resolutions you made the year before? Did you find the love of your life? Move into your dream home? Make more money? Find a job you love? Lose those 10 lbs that we know will always be there even if we did lose them? Blah Blah Blah. Some of the answers might be yes some no and some might not even matter.  I’m all for goals and the journey it takes to get there. I’m just not a fan of the feeling you get if you don’t cross it all off your list by the time Dick Clark starts counting down…10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1. I guess it’s the feeling of failure. Like, you didn’t do enough or didn’t work hard enough to reach your goals.  That feeling sucks.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty proud of making it through my first year of being a mom with only having a handful of breakdowns (ok, maybe 2 handfuls) getting my own office space for my Ebay store, losing my baby weight, and  getting back into blogging…amongst other things.

I would say that I don’t have any resolutions this year because I don’t want that fear and pressure but I would be lying.  I want to complain less.  I want to have more happy days than sad.  I want a better living envoriment.  I want to stop worrying about the Jones’ and what they are blogging about.  I want to read more.  I want to work out.  I want to have an awesome 30th birthday.  I want to craft more.  I want to learn a new language.  I want my business to grow and give people jobs.  I want to help my fellow man out more.

I want to be a better person.

I want to be a better mom.

I want to turn my wants into wills.

I don’t want to feel like a failure on 12.31.12 11:59pm so I am making these my life goals, they will get done, some sooner then later, but I will make it happen.  There are more but these will do for now, I will post them later on so I can get them out there in the universe. Ahh that universe, it works in mysterious ways.

What are your goals???

xoxo

jewels

Yup. My little man is on the move. As you can tell by that “cheese” smile, he’s pretty excited. We live across the street from a playground and it’s the daily hangout for me and Jackson. He loves looking up at the trees and picking up (and trying to eat) leaves. I’m so happy for him, now he can run around with the other kids rather then standing there watching from the side lines. (more…)

I can’t believe how fast time has flown by. My baby boy is now a toddler…a walking, kinda talking, yelling, clapping, feeding himself, coming into his (more…)

Hey guys…sorry for the hiatus, I know, I’m a bad blogger =( It’s only because I’ve been caught up with mommy duties and haven’t been too inspired to write. I will be back soon, I have a ton on my to do list, like plan a 1st birthday party…

Yup, my little bean is going to be one already. It’s scary how fast time goes by…
I’m also in the middle of getting my working mom life together aka updating the ebay store and opening up an Etsy shop. Oh and looking for office space. Busy Busy Busy.

I hope you all are well and life is happy. Thanks for sticking around, if you ever want to chat you know where to find me =)

xoxo
mama jewels

First off, let me start by saying Happy belated New year. Second, holy crap it’s 2011. Not only is it 2011, but it’s the 7th already. Geeeeeze. I can’t deal with how fast time flies by. It scares the crap outta me. Jackson is going to be FIVE months old in two weeks!! I look back at pictures when he was just born and it puts a tear in my eye because I can’t remember him being that tiny. The scary thing about time is that we can’t stop it…no matter how hard we try. We could spend a butt load of money on creams, gels, surgery, anything we believe that would keep our face looking like time isn’t gaining up on it but the lines will be drawn whether we like it or not.

Bummer.

With each new year comes goals. Some old, like the whole “losing 15lbs by summer” which is now “losing all my baby weight and then some by Thanksgiving when I will be gaining it all back” or the lovely “I will start a journal and write in it everyday” that now a days is “I will write 5 blog posts a day and promote the crap out of them on twitter”. Ahhh,the classics.

Even though there is nothing wrong with the oldies, some new goals are always good for the soul. And speaking of soul I would like to work on mine. I know that sounds super corny but it’s more of a “mind, body and soul” type of thing. I want to believe in myself more. I want to stop stressing over the small stuff. I want to feel like I deserve to be happy and have good things come into my life and know that those good things are supposed to be there. I want to be greener. I want to do my part in helping undo what we did to the earth for my kid and his kids and so on and so on. I want to learn how to spell without using spell check or google. I just want to be a better me. And I will be. Just one day at a time.

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and that the new year brings lot’s of peace of mind and motivation.

Here’s to us!

Thanks for sticking around and reading my babbles..it really means a lot.

XOXO

Hello peeps…long time no chat. Please forgive me for being MIA but I have a good reason, and his name is Jackson:

Yup. that’s my boy. He’s 6weeks old and the love of my life.

Mr. Action Jackson came 3 weeks early. He was born on Aug. 26 at 1:45pm weighing 7lbs 6oz and was 19in long.

I was at home all alone eating my pizza and watching Martha Stewart when I got up to put my plate in the sink when BAM…I thought I peed on myself, nope…that was my water breaking. I paged my doctor 2x before he called back, that was after I called my obgyn office, my mom, the BD and took a shower (had to shave..of course) . At this time my contractions were coming so fast that I couldn’t keep track of how long they lasted and how often they were coming. This was nothing like how they described it in my parenting class…usually first time births last an average of 8-12 hrs and the contractions start off slow and not so painful. Yeah OK,..that wasn’t what was going down for me.  By the time my mom came to get me I could barely walk I was in so much pain.

When we finally got to the hospital, I was ready for my epidural. I wanted the pain to go away so bad but no. First I had to fill out some papers that I couldn’t see because my eyes were closed most of the time. Then I went into some room where they strap monitors on you and check your dilation. At this point I was 4cm and ready for some drugs…

I don’t remember how I got into the wheelchair or into the birthing room or onto the bed but before I knew it they were putting an IV into my hand and the nurse was telling me they called my Doc and I was going to get my epidural real soon…I couldn’t wait.  About 10 minutes after I got my IV I felt like I had to use the bathroom. I felt like if I went to the bathroom the pain would get better  and let me tell you, when you’re in that much pain you do not care who sees you naked, what you look like, if you crap, pee or barf all over the place, you just want the pain to go away…at least that’s how I was.

Now I’m yelling that I have to use the bathroom and the nurses are telling my just to go. As soon as I opened my legs to “go” I hear the nurse say  push. PUSH???! WTF do you mean push? I haven’t gotten my drugs and my doctor isn’t even here!!

I remember everyone telling me to breath and hold my legs, because for most of my labor I had a death grip on the bed rails, and in about 4 pushes my bean was here.

Most of it was a daze because it all happened so fast. They put him on top of me and took him away just as fast because he was breathing funny and it turned out he had some fluid in his lungs. I barely got to hold him but I was thankful he was here and was going to be OK.

I can’t believe it’s been 6 weeks, time truly does fly by. I’m loving being a mom. Yes, I’m crazy tired and my life isn’t just mine anymore but I wouldn’t ask for it to be any other way…

Ok, maybe just some more sleep, other then that I wouldn’t ask for anything more =)

xoxo

jewels

Wow, I can’t believe how fast time is flying. Before I know it, I’ll be at the hospital cursing out the BD and screaming ” You did this to me!!!”. Ahhh, something to look forward to =)

So far everything is going ok, at my last doctor’s visit my blood pressure was kinda high but I blame it on being in the waiting room for 2hrs having to pee and being super hungry. That and I hate going to the doctor. I’m self diagnosed with having “white coat” syndrome. I don’t know what it is but I get the worst anxiety whenever I have to go to the doctor. I need to learn how to relax my mind and think good thoughts. We’ll see how that goes for the next visit.

As you can see , the belly is getting bigger and I’m super excited to be out of that ” is she pregnant or fat?” stage. I feel much bolder now that I’m showing. You get this feeling of empowerment when you’re pregnant, like you walk around thinking “yeah, I got a human growing inside of me…no big deal” and you wanna wear all the stuff you probably wouldn’t wear when you’re worried about that extra 10lbs you gained during Christmas. Like they say, if you got it flaunt it. But don’t worry, you wont be catching me 7 months preggo in dasiy dukes up in a club. Cause that’s not cute.

Being almost 6 months pregnant , for me, is WAY better then being 3 months. They call the 2nd trimester the “honeymoon” stage of pregnancy. I don’t have ALL DAY sickness, my super sense of smell has calmed down, I finally LOOK pregnant and food is awesome again. Those are all the plus sides. But with the good must come the bad…well, not that bad. You have to stay super hydrated at all times so that means peeing every 5 minutes which means getting over you phobia of public bathrooms (ewwww), sleeping is getting harder…they say the best way to sleep is on your left side , and that takes some getting used to when you’re used to sleeping on your stomach, shaving is now considered an exercise being I need a nap after I’m done, thank god for full length mirrors or I wouldn’t know what the hell is going on with my crotch, yeah..say goodbye to your lady parts cause you won’t be seeing much of it for a while, people will start rubbing your belly like you’re a budda or will grant them 3 wishes if they rub long enough…which is ok if I know you or you ask but I have a thing about random people touching me..back up son!! Then there’s the thing’s that follow you all the way through till the end: the back pain, your feet swelling at times, the stuffy nose, gums bleeding, and sleepyness…not too bad, nothing that I can’t handle =)

Knock on wood, I’m feeling pretty good these days and I’m grateful to be having this experience. The beginning was kinda rough and I’ve heard the ending isn’t a walk in the park but I take each day as it comes and I know it could be worse.

Sorry for the lack of posts, I’m getting all the sleep I can now because I know as soon as the little bean is here it’s no longer my world, I will try to update and chat as much as I can.

As always, thanks for sticking around and I’ll ttusoon <3

xoxo

j “moms are cool” ewels

It’s a BOY!!!!

And a mighty fine boy at that, it took the sono tech 5 seconds to see what my little man was working with. It was a moment I will never ever forget. I am so happy =) I have to say that it hadn’t hit me until today that I’m going to be a mom, a mom to a son…it’s so surreal. I was never the type of girl who grew up thinking about marriage and how many kids I wanted. I always thought I would be the last of my friends to have a kid and now that it’s happening to me it’s still a little unreal. I’m going to be a mom. Wow. And I’m half way there. Holy crap. Time really does fly by.

Now it’s time to choose a name, which I think is going to be one of the hardest things for me because I am so indecisive =/ It has to be something awesome yet sound normal when I’m yelling at the kid to clean his room…

Any suggestions??

xoxo

j “the kid IS my son” ewels